Artsy Weekend Debauchery at 798 and Sexily Inappropriate Machinery

Posted from: Beijing

I’d like to be the kind of person who buys art, I really would. Less in a “hmnah, one more Monet and my collection will be complete,” kind of way and more in a “A fractal forged from rhinestones, dried egg yolk and meticulously-harvested Aboriginal virgin’s tears, you say? Name your price, sir,” kind of way. I’m most particularly in the market for artwork that makes my office floor feel more like an intentional re-enactment of poverty in France circa 1522 and less like a pile of dirty clothes interspersed with USB drives.  


Crackdown Smackdown: Snow White and the Three-Have-Nots

Posted from: Beijing

Teh Facebookz blew up a few days ago with the news that the Beijing PSB, in response to a viral video of a British man sexually assaulting a Chinese woman, is cracking down on foreigners illegally living or working in China. Non-Chinese and locals alike are urged to report on any laowai who violate the “Three Have Nots” – in other words, those who have no visa, no work permit or no residence permit.

Thanks a lot, gross British guy. Now Chinese women can only be raped by foreigners with tidy paperwork.  


The Beijing Drunken Masters Supper Club: Expedition to Heroic Mountain

Posted from: Beijing

It’s not that I don’t like being a vegetarian. It’s just that like most limp-wristed liberals, when I’m watching Pride and Prejudice, sometimes I get one of those midnight cravings for a steaming plate of endangered animal genitalia (number 6 FTW!), and I just wish my stomach was still bubbling with the enzymes capable of processing animal proteins. I could could be enjoying a rubbery mouthful of seal penis right now, I often think to myself, doubting the validity of my life choices.  

China Beijing Expat Blog: Prositution in Beijing

Adventures in Prostitution, or: I’m definitely going back for those dumplings

Posted from: Beijing

Javi and I got medicinal foot massages from the prostitutes at the bargain brothel down the street from my house. I first noticed the brothel on a walk one day; the sign outside says “24 hour foot massage”, and there’s a dumpling restaurant in the basement. Man, I thought, massage and dumplings at 3:00a.m.! Beijing has everything.  


Hong Kong: Where the Money Meets the Road

Posted from: Hong Kong

Hong Kong is a never-ending commercial paradise of pristine luxury goods, tiny cakes, delicate food and refined, respectful manners. No one shoves their way onto a packed subway car, smokes in enclosed spaces, spits gobules of phlegm in your general direction, breathes in your face, bothers you while you’re reading, screams in restaurants, or pokes you just to see what will happen.

“This city is lame,” I said to Charlie, as yet another person politely waited their turn for the escalator.  

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